5 posts tagged “missing brad”

Well by the grace of God my mom is paying the upfront fee. Of course we had to hear a lot of blah, blah, blah....but it's done! This week has been a rough week for me, very, VERY emotional for some reason. I think it has to do with Josh leaving in 4 weeks, and Brad's training has stepped up to "White Phase" which means he is very busy and tired. I've missed him so much this week, it was like the week he left...BAD! I did find some photo's I've been searching for.

Boysplayingarmy1

Boysplayingarmy2

My doctor's head nurse called me today. We have to meet again with my doctor to go over the surgery, and some other things. I go in for that meeting the 16th!! That's 2 weeks away!!!! I know she is the #1 GYN in this town and she is very, VERY good. She is booked big time!! So here I sit in pain waiting...waiting for my son to call, waiting for my surgery. I hate waiting! I'm worried about coming up with the $$ upfront for this surgery. I had to pay the doctor's fee upfront on my last surgery. So I'm worried...that could be a big chunk of change!!

Yeah even with Chad spending the day with me I still feel icky, and sad :'o( We went to our hometown today to take Josh to the armory for his 3 day drill weekend. While there we stopped to see Kassy & Jeremy. That was nice. Then we took Josh to eat and then we drove around the town for a bit. They are doing lots of building there. They're getting a Walgreens *lol* Really moving up eh?! We went in the armory and I wasn't very pleasant I must say. They took my boys and gave me a pink t-shirt. *lol* Really, I got a pink army national guard t-shirt. I'll take a pic of it later. After that Chad & I drove home and here we are. He's napping and I'm downstairs in the living room playing on the computer while M*A*S*H is on tv. I'm going to call my dr Monday about the counseling she wants me to get before my surgery. *For my mental state* I can't afford it so I'm going to see if she will accept one of the chaplains at the hospital. Plus they would be there for me while I'm in the hospital if I needed to talk to them. I'm also going to tell her I need this surgery ASAP! The sooner I have, the sooner I heal, and the sooner I can travel to see my boys :o) Chad's worried about me. He's worried that I'm losing it and what will I do when Josh leaves in May. Fall apart all over again! I'm wondering if I lived closer to our family if I would be better about this? At least I could go see them whenever and not sit here alone. I am going to start scrapbooking again. I'm going to have Chad get my supplies dug out and print off some photos. I'm going to sort through my stuff this weekend and then Monday go to the scrapbook store and use their work room for free. That way I'm not here alone day in day out. I need to meet people and start some new routines.
Love you guys! Keep those thoughts and prayers coming!!

I'm not alone today!! But I've lost it once already today and it's only 8:22am *sigh* I did make it about 3 hours yesterday with out crying!! But when I did start to cry I looked at the clock and it was 5:15pm....The time Brad always walked through the door smiling, sayin "hey mom". When I'm stressed like this I don't eat, or get hungry. So yesterday I didn't eat all day, didn't even get hungry. But when Chad got home from work he drove me to Taco Mayo to get some food in me. I ate it but felt so sick afterwards we had to rush home. It was that sick feeling you get in your stomach when something feels wrong. I just knew something bad was going to happen, had happen. All I could think of was Brad...was he hurt, okay, etc...Chad called his mom to see how she was doing, and she was just like everyone else when Chad told her I wasn't doing to hot with Brad being away. She said "it's just basic". He told her no it's not just basic...he's got his orders! She then started crying. I thought she knew...I thought it was odd that she wasn't emotional at Brad's going away party Easter. Maybe now the family will be more supportive to me! I did sleep last night...I took some slepping meds and got some good sleep. That's the only time I don't cry and think about Brad. As soon as I wake up I think, what's he gotten done already today, what is he doing right now, is he happy, I could go on, and on with my thoughts. It would help if I knew his routine, then I could say it's such and such time, Brad's doing this right now. I'll have to include that in my letter to him. Everytime the phone rings I RUN to answer it in case it's Brad calling. So far nothing. I did get a job offer yesterday but had to turn it down due to the upcoming surgery :o( We need the cash right now! We've got to come up with X amount of $$$ by the first so they won't garnish Chad's wages!!! I hate bills! Everything is falling on my shoulders all at once...I'm strong but I can't take much more right now!! I did find some bible verses that were helpful...I hope you all have a safe and good weekend. I'm going to try to enjoy mine. It will be just me and Chad until Sunday night. {{Hugs}}

So far today I've not "lost" it. I've had some close calls though. I walked upstairs this morning to get something out of my bedroom. As soon as you come up the stairs there is the boys' room. Brad's bed is the first thing you see when you look in. I had to close the door. It's so bad I can't even stand to see his car sitting in the parking lot. When will this end? And on top of that Josh will be leaving in 2 months and I will be going through this all over again! I can't stand to be like this!!  My eyes are so swollen today, I've tried to get the swelling down but it's a no go. I have to drink lots of water in the next 30 mins so I can have my ultrasound done today. I'm not sure what I'm doing today after my dr's appointment. I'm going to call the lady I talked to yesterday about the job. I need to get their address so I can go in tomorrow and fill out an app and they can get my background check started. I'm off to slap some make up on. Thanks for all the prayers guys!! I really need them! Keep em coming!